The Red Straw
by DirtyLies
Summary: One little red straw travels so far, only to be placed in Hogwarts. KinKyness, Slash, Ron playing with barbies, Straws being shoved up butts? Humor! Join the Gang in this wild straw chasing adventure! [COMPLETE] Rated R For Slashy Goodness!


Disclaimer: (blink blink) (disguises as JKR) I own Harry Pottaaa!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! Random shouter with bazooka: IMPOSTER!!!!!!! GET HER! (takes off) OK I DON'T!

Summary: One little red straw travels so far, only to be placed in Hogwarts. KinKyness, Slash, Ron playing with barbies, Straws being shoved up butts!? Humor! Join the Gang in this wild straw chasing adventure!

**One Little Red Straw**

It sat in a glass of orange juice and ice, was the glass half empty, or half full? No one could tell, with an earth shattering sound the glass fell to the floor and the straw rolled and rolled and without a splash it fell from the crack in the boat into the big sea.

Colin Creevey walked the shore of the great lake, hands in his pockets, eyes glued to the ground. He soon found his mouth full of sand; he picked himself up off the ground and spat the sand out of his mouth.

"What the bloody hell was that?" Colin turned and was staring at a red straw that lay on the ground before his feet. Confused of how a little straw could have tripped him, he picked it up turning it every angle. He gasped, a sudden idea struck him. "This is a perfect straw, I MUST take a picture!" He dashed back up the Hogwarts castle up the stairs to the Gryffindor common room to grab his camera. He sat the straw on Harry Potter's bedside table. 'Perfect, not only do I have the perfect straw I can put it with my "Other images taken by Harry Potter or his belongings" pile' he thought. Smiling ecstatically he went off towards his room leaving the straw abandoned on the table.

Giggles could be heard flooding the stairs of the boy's dormitory. "Sh! Quiet Lavender, someone could be up there, I just saw Colin come bounding down the stairs with a big grin plastered on his face." Lavender quickly stifled her giggles and they climbing the rest of the stair case. "You look on the right side I'll look on the left." They each took a side of Ron Weasley's bed and pulled the blankets up off the ground and searched under his bed.

"Ah ha!" Lavender exclaimed excitingly she pulled out a black box from under the bed and flipped the lid off. Inside were a pile of Barbie's and accessories. "I told you he had them!" Lavender giggled. They turned to leave when something red caught Parvarti's eye. She turned towards Harry's dresser and picked up the straw. She gasped and whirled around towards Lavender. Her friend squealed in delight, "It's beautiful!"

Parvarti grinned, "come on, lets get out of here before someone finds us." She stuffed the straw into her pocket and they dashed out of the room.

Hermione Granger trudged her way up to the girl's dormitories. She plopped down on her bed only to be jabbed in the back by a Barbie hand. "Ouch," she muttered pulling the Barbie out from underneath her. "What are Rons' Barbie's doing here?" She glanced around the room; it was a pig sty as usual.

Sighing she started picking up the Barbie's and other accessories. She then spotted the straw laying upon the floor.

"My goodness! They can't even put their garbage in the trash! Honestly, the little...urgh!" She bent down picked up the straw and threw it into the trash bin. She sat on the bed sighing in defeat, 'there are just too many Barbie's in this room.' A purring Crookshanks curled up beside Hermione and she started petting it. "I'm going back to the library to study Crooky, I'll see you later." She grabbed her books and left the Barbie filled room.

Crookshanks looked around the room and spotted the trash. 'Ah my favorite treasure chest lets see what treasures lie in there tonight! Heeheeheeee!' He pranced over to the trash bin tail swishing straight up in the air. He pawed through the tissues of snot, tampons, and bubble gum. His eyes lay upon a little red straw. He inwardly smiled and picked it up with his teeth and trotted out of the room. He jumped up upon Ron's bed and starting chewing on the straw. He paused when he saw something moving under the blanket, loosing interest in the straw he abandoned the straw and pounced on the moving lump, just as he was about to pounce again a hand swooped by picking up the lump.

"Hermione, what have I told you about letting your stupid cat in my room!" Ron yelled towards the door.

"It's not my fault he's curious!" Hermione picked up her cat and stalked out of the room. "Christ, I'm not everyone's mother!"

Ron closed the door in her face, locking it with a locking charm and walked over to his bed. He knelt down beside his bed and lifted the blankets up and felt around under the bed for a box. When he felt nothing he stood up looking puzzled. He pulled his wand out form his pocket and pointed it towards the door and yelled, "Accio!"

(Some innocent little first years sat talking when all of the sudden a sum of 15 Barbie's and accessories came flying across the room and up the stairs to the boy's dormitory's.)

There was a loud pang on the other side of the door, and Ron dashed towards it, unlocking it and opening up, there were Barbie's and accessories all over the ground. Groaning he picked them all up and locked the door once more. He smiled twistedly and put the Barbie's on top of his bed.

The red haired loon pouted; "someone's changed the clothes on my Professor Dumbledore Barbie!" He switched the clothes back and grabbed his Seamus Finnigan and Ron Barbie. "I'm such a queer," Ron said in a mocking tone (he tried to sound like Seamus.)

Ron Barbie doll: Really! Why I'm utterly shocked Finnigan

Seamus: Please, call me Finnigan (the Barbie said apparently blushing)

Ron: (Giggles)

Seamus: Ron?

Ron: (Stops giggling) yes?

Seamus: I've always wanted to...

(Barbie's plastic faces smash together in a teeth clashing kiss)

Ron stopped and looked around when he heard footsteps. He continued when they stopped. Ron smiled and then it faded when he spotted the red straw. He picked up it and placed it standing tall on the bed. He grabbed his Harry doll and placed him around the straw. He sat Himself and Seamus on two little chairs, and pretended a crowd was cheering as Harry stripped: "Whooooo!!" Ron cheered as his bed curtains sprang apart. Ron shoved all the dolls off his bed; he tried to look as innocent as ever.

Seamus looked around then looked at Ron, "Are you talking to yourself?"

"Um..." Ron blushed the color of his hair, maybe redder, "no," he said blankly.

"Oh...well come on, its dinner time." He and Seamus made their way downstairs unaware of the red straw that sat in the trash bin.

"Dum de dum..." Dobby was singing to himself as well as shaking his lil booty while he tidied the boy's dormitory's He picked up the trash can and made his way downstairs. He walked down the halls and stopped when he saw two people talking.

One was really tall with blackish brownish kind of hair and the other was shorter with Slicked back blonde hair. "Yeah Potter is such a fag!" laughed the short blonde haired one. The taller one laughed as well, "We should get going; we don't want to miss dinner." They entered the great hall and Dobby dashed towards the kitchen. Dobby's face was red with anger as he stormed through the kitchen to Draco Malfoy's drink. He plucked the green straw from the glass of pumpkin juice and dug through the trash bin. He pulled out the chewed up red straw. He popped it into the drink and carried the rest of the trash away.

"Take that Sir Fancy Pants!" he huffed.

Draco Malfoy sat amongst his fellow Slytherin house mates. The food appeared in front of them and they all dug in. (Crabbe and Goyle with more force.) Draco picked up his drink and took a sip from the green straw. Draco set the glass down and almost choked on the almost downed pumpkin juice. Draco ripped the straw out the cup and looked at it nervously.

'OH MY GOD!' Draco's mind screamed. 'Not only is this straw not my green, this one is red! And it's been chewed on!!' Draco panicked and felt uproar of puke making its way up his mouth. Draco threw the straw across the room where in landed on an unsuspecting plate.

George Weasley dug his fork into his food and brought it up to his mouth only to stop and drop the fork. He picked up the red straw and nudged Fred Weasley in the ribs. Fred glanced towards him, "look what I found in my food."

"It's a straw," Fred answered him. George rolled his eyes.

"Watch," he said plainly, "psst, Neville?" Neville Longbottom glanced up from his food and looked around. "Over here," George said again. Neville looked towards George. "We want you to have something," George said trying hard not to laugh.

"What is it?" Neville asked. Fred looked quizzically at George. "It's a magic straw."

Realization dawned on Fred and he nodded agreeing. "Yeah, if you drink anything then you can make it taste whatever you want it to be," Fred said grinning.

"Really?" Neville asked a hint of smile and amusement in his voice.

"Really," George said tossing the straw to Neville.

"Wow," he exclaimed excitedly, almost bouncing in his seat.

'A straw where you can turn any drink into any drink you want,' Neville grinned. 'This is awesome, but I don't deserve such a wonderful object.' He looked around the table stopping at every person when his eyes landed on Harry. Neville smiled; maybe Harry would like him better if he was to give the straw to him. Dinner was done and everyone started departing the great hall. "Harry, Harry!" Neville yelled catching up to Harry. Harry turned around.

"Yes Neville?" The Boy Wonder asked puzzled.

"I want to give you something, it's a straw. It allows you to have any drink you desire if you drink from it." Neville had a huge grin on his face and Harry looked around the room. Fred and George were laughing there heads off in the corner, they stopped when Harry looked at them. They waved and walked out of the great hall.

"Um..." Neville looked so happy to have come by a wonderful treasure and give it to Harry that Harry couldn't say no. "Thanks Neville" Harry said weakly smiling. Neville walked out of the Great Hall with a proud look upon his face.

Sighing Harry placed the straw into his pocket and walked up the stairs to the prefect's bathroom. Once in the bathroom he stripped down and stepped into the steaming bubble bath. He closed his eyes and starting thinking of his boyfriend Draco. He started feeling himself getting hard.

'It's been way to long since we fucked,' he thought. He opened his eyes and glanced at the straw. Harry wondered....He stepped out of the bathtub and grabbed the straw. He jumped back into the bath and looked around the room making sure no one else was around. He put the straw under the water and brought it closer to his arse. He looked around the room once more and then shoved the straw up his arse. Arching as he felt it slide in and out easily he started to moan. 'Oh god yes' he sucked in. He was about to orgasm, when there was a quiet knock on the door. He grabbed the straw and pulled it out of his arse. "Erm...yes?" He called out.

A note was slipped under the door and he heard footsteps echoing down the halls until they ceased. He climbed out of the tub and picked the note off the floor.

_Harry,_

_Meet me in my room for some...well you know what I mean! It's been too long!_

_D_

Harry grinned and grabbed is stuff he glanced back at the water and the floating straw. He walked towards it and picked it up and shoved it in is cloak pocket. He slipped his cloak on and carried the rest of his clothes with him.

Draco Malfoy sat in room only wearing his red silk boxers. He heard a knock on the door and told them to enter. Draco grinned evilly when a cloaked Harry walked into his room. He walked over to Draco and pushed him on the bed.

"Not a chance Mr. Potter," Draco stated, "Last time you were in control, now it's my turn." He took off his boxers and removed Harry's cloak. He forced Harry onto his back and muttered a lubricant charm with his wand. Messy white stuff shot out and he smeared it all over his finger and slowly inserted it into Harry's butt. Harry arched feel pain but pleasure endure him. Draco rubbed it on his throbbing cock and slowly slid into Harry's arse. Harry moaned and Draco bucked into Harry.

"Oh god yes," Harry breathed. "I like that straw up there!" Harry gasped. Draco stopped and pulled himself out of Harry.

"What!?!" Draco exclaimed shocked.

"Um..." Harry got up and walked over to his cloak and pulled the red straw out of it. Draco paled (if possible) he opened and closed his mouth a couple times.

"You mean to tell me....You stuck...THAT up your arse!?" Draco said as calmly as possible. Harry nodded guiltily. Draco groaned. "That's gross." Harry laughed, "I've lost my mood for sex, I never thought it was possible, but yes I did. Potter go back to your own dormitory. Harry pouted, "go!" Draco said again.

Sighing Harry got up and got dressed and turned to face Draco. "Fine Draco, next time you want sex, go have some with Blaise, because you're going to have to wait if you want to with me." With that he slammed the door shut leaving a pale Draco behind with a red straw...

End!!

Sequel? If there are reviews I was thinking of doing, Winky, Cho Chang and Some other students Along with Professors! TY SO MUCH!! To my Beta Without Permission; She is the best Beta I've ever had Not to mention my only She added some parts into my Fic to make in funnier So she deserves some of the credit! So Ty Be sure to thank her as well when u review!! Speaking of Reviews; Review Right....NOW! Ty and give me some feedback if I should make a sequel!


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